


heart palpitations

by glitter_ghostie



Category: Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Fluff, Post-Canon, Snippets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitter_ghostie/pseuds/glitter_ghostie
Summary: “Sophie, my chest aches.”“That’s your heart, Howl.”It takes Howl time to adjust to just how painful having a heart is.
Relationships: Sophie Hatter/Howl Pendragon
Comments: 28
Kudos: 167





	heart palpitations

**Author's Note:**

> this is essentially a test in brevity

“Sophie, my chest aches.”

“That’s your heart, Howl.”

He still needed reminding, sometimes. Or at least assurance. He rubbed his chest as he watched Sophie read the newspaper. The feeling was so dense and heavy that he sometimes mistook it for grief - he didn’t know what it was he mourned for, but then Sophie would glance at him and smile, and the moment would pass.

Sophie’s legs were folded, her foot bouncing. He watched it and his chest seized again.

“ _You_ make my chest ache.”

That made her put her paper down. She gave him a smirk.

“That makes me sound wicked, Howl.”

“Never wicked,” he reassured her. “Just bewitching.”

Before, Sophie would have been uncomfortable at such a comment. He had watched as she shrunk back into her curse when he had told her she was beautiful in the field of flowers. Now, though, her smile just grew into a grin, revealing slightly crooked bottom teeth.

The truth of it was, ever since Sophie had returned his heart to him, Howl was forced to remember how damn _painful_ a heart was. It fluttered and raced with anxiety when loud planes flew overhead; it skipped when Markl showed off his newest magic spell he had mastered under Howl’s instruction, and when he saw Sophie - 

Oh, it burned. 

It reminded him of a couple weeks after the house fell apart and was rebuilt. He and Sophie had been in bed; Sophie had fallen asleep hours ago, but Howl had been unable to rest. His mind merely wandered, still running too fast, like it had during the war, and was now burning the excess energy when he was meant to sleep. He had been staring at the ceiling, counting the stars painted on it, when his chest had suddenly seized painfully as his heart pumped hard enough that he could feel it in his throat. It lasted only a moment, but it was enough for Howl to shake Sophie awake.

Following those tense spasms of his heart, it galloped nervously. Sophie gently rubbed his chest as he explained it all to her.

“Heart palpitations,” she murmured. “That’s all.”

When he looked at Sophie - when Sophie looked at _him_ \- he felt a tightness in his chest similar to the one he felt that night.

Except, of course, for when his heart felt light as a feather in his chest. So much so that he sometimes wondered if it had fled him again.

“Sophie, you’ve stolen my heart.”

“I have done no such thing,” said Sophie. “Can’t you feel it in your chest?”

He rested his hand there, and sure enough it fluttered under his palm.

“Besides,” Sophie’s voice was casual as she pushed her sleeves up her arms. “You’re the one who steals hearts, wizard.”

Howl rolled his eyes at her, but they were both grinning.

Some nights, Howl could swear the wind outside called to him.

 _Come out, come out,_ the wind crooned. _Get out, get out, quickly!_

Sometimes, Howl’s legs obeyed. They marched him out of his room, away from Sophie, and out onto the balcony or onto the streets. There he would stand, breathing in the cool air and his feet bare, and contemplate running for his life.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love his little, cobbled together family. The problem was that he loved them as much as he did. It was horrifying and overwhelming, like he was a boat being battered by a storm at sea. The sheer volume of love his heart could carry terrified him, and if there was anything he knew how to do, it was how to run from what frightened him.

But then, standing there in the dark, Howl remembered Sophie. Sophie, who was bold. Sophie, who grabbed life as tight as she could and didn’t let go. Sophie, who had seen him at his most monstrous, and hadn’t flinched or run away. 

His heart would grow fond, and he would turn back around, and head back inside. Sophie often woke as he slid back into bed, mumbling something and peering at him in the dark. Each time, Howl kissed her on the forehead, and let her shuffle closer until her head rested on his chest.

One time, as Howl was drinking his tea, he saw that the logs Calcifer rested on had gotten damp, and had reached down to pick him up. His fingers touched the flames and burned.

“You’re not my problem anymore, remember?” Calcifer’s forked tongue flickered at him teasingly. “You can’t just pick me up.”

“That’s an interesting way of saying ‘ _I made a deal with you_ ’,” Howl remarked with a raised brow. “Maybe you should think about the responsibility of being chained to someone before you make an offer, next time.”

“There won’t be a next time. Besides, I’m not going anywhere.”

Howl shook his head. “All that freedom around you, and you stay here.”

“So do you,” Calcifer pointed out. “What’s your excuse?”

Howl sucked on his burnt fingertip, and didn’t answer.

“You don’t want to go anywhere,” said Calcifer, gleefully.

“I’m a busy man. My work ties me here.”

“Hmm.”

Howl raised a brow as he replaced Calcifer’s logs with dry ones.

“So condescending,” he sighed.

“You love us too much.”

“No. Just enough.” Howl watched Calcifer carefully transfer himself to his new logs. “I love you all exactly the right amount. There’s no room left in my heart for anything else.”

Calcifer burned a shade of light pink. “Your tea’s going cold.”

So it was.

**Author's Note:**

> comments & feedback greatly appreciated <3


End file.
